Are You Struggling To Move On Following A Loss?

• Has the passing of a dream, divorce, job loss or health crisis left you in a state of sorrow and disbelief?
• Are you troubled by the death of a loved one and feel life is meaningless without the parent, partner, sibling, child or friend you once loved?
• Are you turning to things like drugs and alcohol in order to numb your pain and silence the memories?
• Are you overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, loneliness, anger or emptiness, perhaps suffering from diminished vitality or sense of purpose?
• Do wish you could travel back in time to recapture your dreams or fix past mistakes?
• Are friends and family members uncomfortable with hearing about your loss and feel that it’s time for you to move on?
• Are you having difficulty accepting your present situation, and desperately wish you could find a sense of peace? 

Grief is filled with continual highs and lows. It has no timeline and sometimes appears to have no rhyme or reason. After a loss, you may find that your grief is intermittent. You may function well for days, months or even years until suddenly you’re struck by memories from the past, which can leave you crippled by a devastating sadness. Perhaps you can’t concentrate at work or aren’t fully present in your family life or friendships. You may be sleeping too little or too much or have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning because life seems meaningless. You might even attempt to numb your pain with drugs, alcohol, overeating or other potentially harmful coping mechanisms. What’s more, friends may be telling you that it’s time to move on. However, you may not be ready to let go of the things you’ve lost, perhaps because you’re overwhelmed by guilt, regret or an unwillingness to release the past.

Regret and suffering cannot bring back the past nor bring the relief you’re seeking. You may think you need to be strong and put on a brave face, but in reality you might be suffering in silence and desperately wish you could find someone to confide in. 

Grief Is Part of the Human Experience 

Almost everyone experiences loss in their life, whether they have gone through a divorce, health crisis, layoff, life transition, miscarriage or the death of a dream. Grief is a natural response to loss and can and does happen to everyone. If you’re experiencing grief, it’s important to know that what you’re experiencing is completely normal, and you’re certainly not alone.

Grief Counseling Can Help You Move Toward Healing

Many who grieve feel ashamed not only over what they feel they could have done differently, but also over the presence of grief itself. Some feel their loss isn’t traumatic enough to warrant grief, while others believe sadness is a sign of mental weakness. It’s important to note that no matter the size or scope of your grief, the melancholy you’re feeling is worth acknowledging. Simply talking about your loss with someone who cares—whether a friend or a therapist—can go a long way toward healing. And, grief counseling provides a safe, nonjudgmental, confidential space in which you can openly discuss your experience with a compassionate therapist.

In sessions I can help you learn to express the negative thoughts and emotions that may be keeping you down, depleted and stuck. While you may want to bury your grief, I can help you gently face your feelings so you can begin the healing process. We can begin to reflect on your loss together and work towards releasing your worries, fears and frustrations. You’ll be given a safe space where there is no requirement to be “strong” or “brave.” Through counseling, you can also begin to understand and anticipate the different stages of grief, while also learning healthy ways to cope with grief triggers (such as the anniversary of a loved one’s death). In addition, you can adopt positive ways to honor the past instead of erasing or forgetting it. Grief counseling cannot change the past, but it can help you accept the things you can’t change, while also helping you find a sense of peace. Through acceptance you may be able to rediscover a sense of purpose, reconciliation and contentment.

Perhaps you think that you could benefit from grief counseling, but still have concerns and questions…

I’m worried that if I let go of the past through grief counseling, I will be forgetting my loved one or giving up on my dream.

Moving on from your loss through the therapeutic process doesn’t mean you’ll be forgetting the people you loved or your dreams. It simply means you’ll be moving toward acceptance and a greater sense of peace. Through counseling, you can find healthy ways to reframe and refocus your dreams and honor those who have passed away. One of the best ways to honor yourself and your loved ones is learning to live again.

I’m concerned that if I go to grief counseling, it will mean that I’m weak.

To feel sad, despondent, numb, angry, or hostile after a loss or traumatic event is completely normal. Grief doesn’t mean you’re weak – it means you’re human! You shouldn’t feel that you need to shield friends and family from your loss by putting on a brave face. Everyone goes through highs and lows in life, and we all need help sometimes.

I’m not grieving over a death or divorce. My grief is minimal and counseling would be over the top for someone like me.

Whether you’re struggling with a monumental trauma or a minor setback, the feelings you’re feeling are real. You are experiencing them for a reason. Through the help of grief counseling, we can get to the root of why you’re experiencing grief. By understanding the negative emotions resulting from loss, you can minimize guilt and shame, work toward finding solutions that will help you feel and function well, and develop healthy coping strategies that will help you navigate future losses, whether they will be “large” or “small.”

Don’t Let Grief Consume Your Life

Don’t overload yourself with shame, guilt and regret. With the help of a trained, professional therapist, you can begin to move toward greater peace and fulfillment. Email janet@janettraylorcounseling.com or call (858) 255-0089 to schedule an appointment.